Pulling the Plug

Recently, I was treated to a “Obama is God, long live abortion!, orthodox Judaism suppresses its women.” rant from an old friend. She’s married, works-full time, and opted-out (her words) of motherhood. I’m always a little surprised to be on the receiving end of these performances as my views cannot be alien to her.

I live a mile from one of the world’s top yeshivas. We keep kosher, honor the Shabbos, and I cover my hair. Our son attends religious school. Hello? Anybody home?

She’s always at odds with her husband. She earns slightly more than he does which gives her the control. She decides where they vacation.  She’s the one who gets the new car when they trade in the old one. She picked the color for the half bath that’s designated for his personal use. I’ve heard her reference the difference in their income more than once in the presence of other friends. He reacts to this by being a total slob, not doing a lick of housework, and always wanting the latest and greatest technological toys. She picks out her own anniversary gifts and the restaurants they eat in. No Dr. Phil or other self-proclaimed expert is required to figure out why this is not “working” for the parties involved. She married a man and then relieved him of his masculinity.

I listened for as long as I could, parting with, “I’ve got to get dinner started.” which was a joke in itself, for she says I am but a “slave” to the family’s needs. Funny, because she totally missed the irony.

Again.

All the screaming about equality and keeping the government off her uterus has left her cheerless. She talks about empowerment a lot. I’m trying to find a gentle way of suggesting she up the Zoloft.

My husband recently gave up social media cold turkey. He was active on political sites, etc. and decided after the yom tovim that he’d cease participation. He’s putting all of his energy into work and learning. It’s raised the level of ruchnius in our household by a lot.

He asked ever so gently if I would consider doing the same. He knows it’s not as simple for me. I relied heavily on social media during my illness; for the support and something to do with my mind when my body no longer fully cooperated. He did not demand I give it up, realizing I would in an instant if he had. Lesser men would abuse such power which is why he’s the first I’ve ever given it to.

Almost immediately after this request I found myself becoming disenchanted with groups I belonged to. The price of admission to a few required me to keep mum about my traditional values. Why would I ever want to do that? I’m never going to bend my principles to the point of breaking to ensure everyone around me is comfortable. That’s bogus.

So I stopped. Cold turkey. Retreated from toxic environments. The relief was instant.

We went out of town for a family simcha and returned to Sandy. We lost Internet access a few hours before the power which didn’t return for DAYS. Our experience was a mere inconvenience in the end as we were well-prepared. (Thanks, honey.)

It was the intervention, the jump start to less time on the ‘net. From hours a day in bed with a laptop to less than two hours a day, in two weeks time.

I’m happier for it.